The bartender says “You can’t have that thing in here! Get out!” The guy says “It’s okay, this Alligator is highly trained.

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A pirate is starting his first day aboard his new ship and the captain is giving him the tour. ”There’s the plank for trouble makers, there’s the deck that needs swabbing everyday and there’s the barrel for all you sexual needs.” ”Whatcha mean?

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After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, the stewardess announces over the intercom that “we’re just waiting for the pilots.” The passengers look out the window and see two men, dressed as pilots walking towards the plane. Both men are using guide dogs and appear to be blind

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A little old lady walks into Bank of America and asks to open a savings account. The new accounts receptionist first thinks this is strange, probably because everyone is leaving them for credit unions now. At any rate, the accounts person asks her how much she wanted to deposit to open the account, and the little old lady replies, “Three million dollars.” The accounts person is startled, and says, “In what form?” and the little old lady says, “Cash

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One afternoon, in a land where Eskimos and Scotsman run into each other on the highway fairly often, and Eskimo was driving down the road when his truck breaks down.

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Two gentleman walked into the men’s locker room at their prestigious country club; one was wearing a Harvard jacket, the other a Yale pullover. After taking a leak, the Harvard man stopped to wash his hands–while the Yale man walked towards the door. The Harvard man looked at the Yale man disapprovingly

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Two gentleman walked into the men’s locker room at their prestigious country club; one was wearing a Harvard jacket, the other a Yale pullover. After taking a leak, the Harvard man stopped to wash his hands–while the Yale man walked towards the door

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Driving through town in his BMW, a successful young lawyer spotted two man on the side of the road eating grass out of somebody’s yard. Moved by how desperate the men had become, he pulls over to have a word with them, “Hey fellas, what is going on? Why are you eating grass?” asks the lawyer

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You might be a Gothic Redneck if… You let your fourteen year old daughter smoke clove cigarettes at the dinner table in front of her kids. You’ve got more than one brother named “Vlad”.

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So this pirate walks into a bar, his old favorite - although he hasn’t been there in a while.

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